ANANTA (Without end)

“Every night is a hope of tomorrow’s first light” that’s how I believe life.  Born in a conservative surrounding family was a big barrier to achieve my dreams. When I was fifteen years old my parents arranged for my marriage so I wrote a letter and stepped out. It was an immediate action ‘No more compromises’ my mind whispered.


“Dear Appa and Amma all these days I was a small cuckoo living inside your nest which you built  but now I want to build my own life. I am not in search of a great empire, I want to build my own hut. One day I will fly like a colorful butterfly and I will make you feel proud. Till then I have to take a small break from us. Love you Amma! Love you Appa! And I will badly miss my little sister” “YOU ARE REMEMBERED FOR THE RULES YOU BREAK”

With love and guilt


 Leaving my parents was not that much easy that too being a girl I was put into a lot of mental and physical traumas. I left my house with some amount and joined a reputed college Bangalore with the help of my friend Sai. He is my school buddy and he settled in Bangalore two years back with his family. He asked me to stay in his house but I don’t want to be a burden to someone else I believe in myself. I stayed in a Pg hostel and used to visit him every weekend. I spent all my money in my career. What’s next? A job. I did all petty jobs like working in parlors, super markets, sales girl, and receptionist and so on. I worked really hard and completed my studies. I got placed in IIM as a team head of operation BLISS a platform for all the college students to get skilled and have paid internships. I didn’t go in search of my parents in the past ten years and they also didn’t come in search of me. I used to send letters every month but I never got a reply from. I know they are angry at me but I never thought my life will change into a twirl in a day. One fine evening Sai came running to my office, I saw him through the glasses of my cabin. Since I was in a meeting with my head person, the receptionist didn’t allow him so I excused myself and left the meeting hall. ‘Can’t you understand the seriousness? I need to see Bharati now’ Sai was shouting at the receptionist. ‘OMG’ I gave a long breath and stopped him. ‘Why are you so much tensed Sai?’ I asked him in a low tone because the whole office was staring at us. ‘Uncle is no more Bharati!’ he said in a melancholic tone. ‘What uncle? Oh shit! What happened to your father Sai?’ I asked him in fear. ‘It’s your father not mine’ he screamed in anger. I was shocked at first and went speechless for a few minutes. ‘I booked the tickets in the red bus so go and pack your stuff’ he broke the silence. ‘I don’t believe your words Sai, how did you get the information?’ I asked him in a confused state. Sorry to say Bharati your mother used to call me every two weeks without your father’s knowledge. She doesn’t want you to know about this, she wants you to focus on your career. Today she called me at 11pm and cried that your father passed away’ he said in teary eyes because in childhood we both used to sit and hear stories from my father. I stood still staring those flower pots in the blue screened windows but today the flowers looked dry and I felt even the flowers were mourning for my father’s death. We both boarded the bus which sai booked, I took the window seat and my mind started to wander in past memories. Theni in my motherland and I always feel proud to be born in this wealthy soil.

A place filled with natural wonders

Stands proud in the southern range

A land of beautiful green hills

And thick silver lined clouds

Is the home of ‘HIDDEN PARADISE’?

Yes, it’s my motherland.

My father comes from a poor family background so his life was full of fights and hardships but he never failed to have a smile. That face of hard smile hides so much of struggles and sufferings. Throughout my journey the smile of my father flashed in my eyes. It was morning 5am and we reached our destination. Sai collected all the luggages from the back door of the bus and we waited for a taxi. Nothing changed; it was the same old mud buildings, a large banyan tree in the entrance with the Lord Ganesha statue, yellow, black and red ropes handing in all the branches of the tree. Since my father is a great man and good hearted, everyone in the village used to treat him with huge respect so I heard those voices of whole village people mourning for my father’s death. ‘We don’t want to wait, it’s only a few kilometers. It will take only a half an hour of walk, ‘ Sai instructed me and we both started to walk into our village. By seeing those paddy and sugarcane fields I got reminded of my little sister Rithika. I always call her as nature’s darling. When I left her she was seven years old. I always felt jealous by seeing her connect between her and nature.

Running through the meadows

Playing through the streets

Flowers blooms by her gentle touch

Ants and beetles marches on mud

By leaving a way for our nature’s darling. We have a beautiful golden shower tree at our home; I planted when Rithika was born. Tree and Rithika grew together for seven years. She used to water them every day and the leaves will respond to all her actions. ‘Isn’t it magical?’I used to think but after leaving home I forgot both of them. In order to escape from marriage plans I eloped from home and I don’t regret it. All the way through the home I was thinking all my childhood memories. Sai was walking silent for a long time and he asked me calmly ‘Don’t you feel crying after hearing of your father’s death?’  I smiled and said ‘After stepping out of my home I never cried, for the past ten years I never cried for anything.  Life is unimaginable and unexplainable’ when I completed the sentence I saw an old hermit meditating under a large banyan tree. I felt something fishy and my body felt a magnetic force grasping me towards him. I stopped near the tree and stared at him for so long. Sai was pulling me with force shouting that ‘it’s already late we have to leave immediately’ but I stood unmoved. When the hermit opened his eyes he gave a violent laugh ‘Ha Ha Haaaaaa…. Silly girl, run fast you have a lot to see’ he said and continued his violent laugh. I stood bewildered but Sai pulled me back and we started to walk again. After a few minutes we reached our home. Huge men crowd stood outside and all the women were lamenting sitting around my mother. I saw a small girl having a huge bun in brunette hair and her beautiful blue eyes looked like a blue ball floating in a red pool. She was sitting near a wooden coffin and I understood my father was resting in peace. The coffin was placed in our garden. Every village man and woman’s eyes were staring at me. I didn’t go to my mother and I didn’t see my sister. I walked straight inside my home and again nothing changed. When I entered I felt the whole world froze, the same old artshai wood clock’s pendulum stood still and the walls smelled the same. I still remember where my father used to sit so I set foot inside his big room. The bookshelf was filled with a lot of books and tamil magazines and in the corner of his room there was a butternut colored wooden table and I saw my father wearing his big black circled glasses flipping the pages. By seeing me he slowly removed his specks and stood from his wooden chair. What else the next I ran into his arms. ‘Where were you all these days kutty? You never thought of seeing this old father ah? How grown up you are now.’ he stood in tears and I cried aloud asking him sorry for his questions. He continued by slowly patting my head ‘it’s time to leave kutty, take care of amma and sister. I know you are grown building your own hut as you said so I believe you will make appa even more proud. Don’t go anywhere hereafter, the house is yours my child you are my brave girl who didn’t cry all these ten years so I understood your daring and bold heart. Suddenly there was a huge rush in air through the window and my father disappeared in smoke leaving a bronze key in my right hand. I yelled in pain and Sai embraced me, taking me out. Rithika came calling me ‘Akka’ and we both hugged and cried sitting near my father’s coffin. My mother was also sitting unmoved. Tears were rolling on her cheeks but she sat unmoved leaning her head against the coffin. Since my father didn’t have a son I did all the rituals at home and Sai was beside me in all the happenings. In villages women are not allowed to go near the graveyard so Sai did all the rituals like his own father. That night amma and Rithika didn’t sleep and Sai was sitting beside them silently. I went and broke the silence ‘did you all have your dinner?’I asked them. My mother said ‘all these years we had our own dinner so I don’t want anyone to care for us anymore’ she said in a strict tone. I know she is angry with me so it’s time to console my mother. ‘amma sorry for leaving you alone and I promise I won’t leave you and rithika hereafter’ immediately Sai also nodded yes. By seeing Sai nodding playfully Rithika laughed. Everyone slept but I didn’t, so I came out holding that bronze key which my father gave and was staring at Orion’s belt. They are nothing but three stars that stay connected in the sky.

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